


Happy To Lie With The Sleeping Dogs

by comradeartemis



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Domestic, Essek Thelyss-centric, Established Relationship, Kid Fic, M/M, New Year's Eve, New Year's Kiss, Party, Trans Caleb Widogast, i just love him a lot ok, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:00:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27976230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comradeartemis/pseuds/comradeartemis
Summary: As the new year approaches, Essek comes to terms with with his mother, his lies, and the light of his life.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 18
Kudos: 122





	Happy To Lie With The Sleeping Dogs

**Author's Note:**

> title from ‘Happy New Year’ by The Big Moon !
> 
> This is self indulgent as hell, New Years is my favourite thing in the world though, and it’s just a bit of fun!
> 
> I completely made up the festival of Evenlight, please do not @ me, I’m gay and I like Events 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!!

“Essek, darling, you _will_ be there, yes?”

Essek sighed, phone tucked awkwardly between his shoulder and his ear, as he stared at himself in the mirror. His hands were busy buttoning up his shirt, and he almost got lost watching the methodical movements. His slender fingers working without mistake, a ring on his left hand catching the low light. A cough over the phone brought his attention back to the call. “Yes, yes, of course Mother I’ll be there,” he finished up the top button and began stuffing the shirt into his trousers. “Will Verin be there?”

Deirta didn’t hesitate, “Yes, Essek. He will. He always is,” her tone pointed in a way Essek was all too familiar with. Of course Verin would be there, the Thelyss family’s pride and joy, talented successful Verin, who has continued to outshine Essek in matters of family business since they were little. Essek started to bite the side of his cheek as he looked around for his belt. “Oh,” she added, “and can you organise the catering? Get in contact with some of your baking friends and do something nice,” the woman had mastered the art of asking questions that were in no way questions. He suppresses a sigh, tucking in the end of his belt through the loops, “I can organise catering, yes.” She hums in response, apathetic.

“So what are you up to tonight then, hm? I hear it’s a big thing in Rexxentrum, all this New Years stuff,” she was right, it was a big thing, which was why Essek was putting so much effort into his outfit, picking some sequinned thing that Caleb had bought him as a gift one year. He switched to nibbling the other side of his mouth as he pulled out a tie. New Years was different in Xhorhas, with the lack of light and such, tradition had taken things a different way. Though the New Year itself wasn’t celebrated, the Evenlight was, an event held every few years, where the sun emerged over Xhorhas. It was a religious holiday predominantly, which is one of many reasons Essek wasn’t fond, but festivities lasted more than just the day, and had evolved over the years to be a little more secular. It didn’t make him hate it any less.

It was seeing family that caused the most problems. Essek had done a pretty solid job of extracting himself from family matters, he’d call his mother approximately once every month, he’d _never_ speak to Verin, and he’d moved as far away as possible - Rexxentrum, on the other side of the globe - and despite all that, the one time it was unavoidable to see them would always roll around.

This year would be an issue more than most.

Essek and Caleb had gotten married, and had a child together. He had shared neither of these things with his mother.

Well, they’d actually married five years ago. They hadn’t held a ceremony, it was purely legal, and mainly for the purpose of looking good for the surrogacy application. It wasn’t necessary, not at all, but Essek was also just tired of having to stop himself saying ‘husband’ and so was Caleb, so really it was just convenience more than anything,

Or that’s what he told himself to stop himself being overwhelmed. He loved Caleb, more than he could ever have pictured himself loving anyone before. He insisted they married for convenience, for legal ease, but he knew that wasn’t true. He wanted them to get married because he _wanted to get married_. He wanted to feel the solid comfort of a ring on his finger, he wanted to be able to call Caleb his husband, not for ease, but because it made him a little bit giddy. Because every time he looked at Caleb he melted all over again, soft, domestic, and warm. He would never tell anyone that, though. But it was the truth.

The child had been a natural decision too, both of them had wanted it, and surrogacy had been the clear choice, The specifics of it had been exhausting however, and the application, acceptance, and actual pregnancy had all been an extended headache, with one hurdle after another. Their daughter, however, was nothing but pure joy.

Una Thelyss was the light in Essek’s life. She was the most intelligent, beautiful, capable person Essek had ever had the pleasure of meeting, and she was barely three years old. Half drow, she looked so much like Essek, her skin and hair almost identical in tone, her ears a little less pointed but elven regardless. Her eyes, however, were Caleb’s. Her eyes and nose, beautiful and blue and dead straight, both belonged to him, as did her thick waves of hair that were only just starting to be particularly evident. Essek would move heaven and earth for her. And Deirta didn’t even know she existed.

He sighed, sat on the bed, and began tugging his socks on. “We’re visiting Caleb’s friend’s place. They’re having a party,” he swapped the shoulder the phone was resting on to pull on the other sock, the woven orange kitten faces staring right back at him, “it’s nothing big, just a little get together,” standing up, he put the phone on speaker, resting it on his dresser as he started the process of putting in his jewellery. He heard her hum over the phone, the noise amplified to the room somehow worse than when only he could hear it. “Well,” she started, “so long as you’re behaving responsibly Essek. Perhaps you should have a _proper_ partner for this kind of thing, you know, might su-” Essek couldn’t bear to let her finish.

“Apologies, Mother, but I really do need to finish up getting ready,” he stared at his reflection, who absolutely _had_ finished getting ready, “or I’ll be horribly late. It’s been nice talking to you though.” Despite her silence, he could sense her simmering.

“Of course. Wouldn’t want you to be late, darling,” there was a pause, “don’t forget this weekend. I want to make sure everything’s in order before next week. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Essek hit the end call button as fast as he could, the second he deemed it socially acceptable.

_Fuck_

He let his head hang for a minute, glaring at the rich wood of their dressing table. Lying was exhausting, even just by omission, and despite the fact Essek did it well, it still took its toll.

“Essek?” Caleb’s voice carried from downstairs, “are you ready?”

“Yes! Coming,” he stood from the desk, and stared at himself in the mirror again for a moment. He looked tired. He didn’t have time to dwell on precisely why. He grabbed the bottle of wine sat by the leg of the dresser - hesitated for a second, then opened the top drawer of the vanity, took his cigarettes and lighter, slipped them into his inside jacket pocket, and left the room.

“You’ve got everything, ja?” Caleb asked, stood by the door bouncing Una on his hip. Una, who was currently utterly focused on trying to eat some of Caleb’s hair. Caleb didn’t appear to mind. Essek patted himself down, keys, wallet, phone, the wine they were bringing as a gift, and, unbeknownst to Caleb, his cigarettes and his lighter. “Yeah, I’m good,” he smiled up at him. Caleb smiled back, still a little dorky and awkward.

“Great,” he started, pausing as Essek closed the gap between them and finally removed the fistful of hair from Una’s mouth, now drenched in spit, and tucked it behind Caleb’s ear. Caleb grinned, blushing a little, “all set.”

Arriving had been an unnecessarily dramatic affair, but Jester had already arrived, and if Jester had already arrived, you weren’t getting in without extraordinary fanfare.

“OH MY GOSH! CAYLEB AND ESSEK AND,” she gasped between yells, “UNA! ARE HERE!” Behind her in the hallway, the rest of the nein’s faces poked out from all different directions. Caduceus smiled dopily, floral green blouse shifting as he leant to wave at the couple, to which Caleb responded to by picking up Una’s tiny hand and waving back. Fjord and Yasha smiled too, drinks in hand, as they stood a couple rooms down in the kitchen. Veth and Yeza were in there too, although only Yeza waved, Veth too busy mixing some kind of cocktail that looked far too intricate to be made in a domestic kitchen. Beau was stood a few feet behind Jester, smiling a little fondly at her, but mainly just wincing at the volume. The kids, Kiri and Luc, seeming to move as one, bombing from room to room, stopped halfway up the stairs to shout their hellos, mainly Kiri, who mimicked Jesters greeting exactly.

It was a mess, utterly, but it was family.

Wine had been handed over, Una had taken off with Kiri to join whatever game was taking place upstairs, and the conversation had landed in a happy place, about work and the coming year - not too heavy, but interesting enough to care about. Caleb was in and out of the kitchen, sometimes joining the conversation to add something, sometimes leaning in and letting him know what Una was up to (playing shops, currently), and once or twice, smacking Essek’s ass, causing him to jog a little and spill his drink. Caleb did nothing but grin and throw his hands up in mock innocence. Essek couldn’t bring himself to be upset.

He’d joined Una once too, going upstairs, initially just to make sure she was ok, but ultimately getting caught in their game, and having his shoes ‘sold’ (stolen) to the wealthy ‘Queen’ (Kiri in a party hat) for her winter palace ball. Caleb had come up to check on him eventually, a little tipsy. “Everything ok?”

Essek glanced round up at him, mock offence plastering his face. “ _Caleb_ ,” he gasped, with as much distaste as he could muster, “as you can _clearly_ see, I’m in the middle of dinner with the Queen, and you should watch your manners,” Essek gestured to the various stuffed toys, Luc,Una, and Kiri, all waving enthusiastically at Caleb, who gave a little wave back, before dropping down next to Essek. “Seriously, if you need rescuing,” he whispered, then gave Essek a _look_ , tapped his own chest, and gestured to downstairs. Essek giggled a little and shook his head. He leaned in close.

“No, I’m perfectly happy here,” he smiled, and couldn’t help but pull Caleb in for a quick kiss, relishing in the little surprised, yet pleased, noise he made as Essek grabbed him. They both laughed pulling away, listening to the distressed gagging noises coming from the assembled party. It was then that Caleb noticed Essek’s socks.

“Essek, liebling, where are your shoes?” Essek glanced down at where Caleb was frowning, seeing the orange kittens staring up at them both.

“Ah. Yes. Sold them. To the Queen.” He pointed over at Kiri, who was now very clearly wearing a pair of size 9 suede boots. Caleb snorted.

“I see. Well, whenever you’re done,” he stood, kissing Essek’s hair, before stepping round to kiss Una’s. She giggled, and grabbed Caleb’s hair, pulling him down to kiss his nose. Caleb let himself be dragged, and kissed, before pulling away and making a face of utter surprise. Una giggled again. Caleb always made her laugh, and he always made Essek laugh too - he was remarkably funny when he wanted to be.

And Essek was _lying_ to his _mother_ about _all of it._ He didn’t dwell on that thought.

Eventually, he did escape, pulling a delightful heist to retrieve his shoes, slipping them on at the top of the stairs, before joining Caleb in the kitchen once more. Beau nodded at him as he walked in, silently asking if Kiri was alright. He nodded back. Caleb smirked over at him, pulling his attention away from Fjord, who seemed to be entertaining the majority of the guests with some outlandish tale. “Got out alright then?” Caleb swayed slightly in a nonexistent breeze, a little drunk. His cheeks were flushed ruddy.

“Just about. Turns out it’s easy to escape when the royal guard is three, and loves you.” Caleb laughed, open and bright.

“Well I’m glad. Come, have a glass,” he held up a champagne flute which Essek took gratefully, before joining the rest listening to Fjord.

Despite the joy around him, his mind stubbornly lingered on his mother. This weekend. Seeing her for fucking _party planning_ , and he was going to have to lie. He didn’t want to. Didn’t want to see her, to have to lie to her face again, to keep so much of his life a secret. He found himself biting at his cheek, not listening to whatever anecdote Fjord was recounting. It was probably interesting, his friends often are. Caleb was listening, leaning on the counter next to Essek, smiling and laughing, eyes bright and warm, skin almost radiant with the glow of the fairy lights around them.

Caleb, his husband.

Essek felt sick. This was stupid, and awful, and entirely his own doing.

He needed a smoke.

“I’m just gonna have a bit of fresh air for a minute, I’ll be right back,” Essek said, cutting into Fjord’s story, putting his champagne down, and kissing Caleb on the cheek as he moved away. Fjord paused, before nodding and shooting him a little smile, and continuing his sentence. Caleb gave him a look, pointed, _knowing_ , and pursed his lips for a second, before ultimately letting it go. Beau, however, had no such intentions.

“Ah, I’ll come with you man, it’s too hot in here,” she wasn’t sweating at all, and was still in her suit jacket. Fjord glared a little at her, being interrupted a second time said a quiet “oh see you later!” before starting back up again easily. Essek nodded regardless. They’d done this before, and she was alright company, so he didn’t fuss, just led the way out of the kitchen, through the hall to the back door. He grabbed his cigarettes and lighter, stuffing them into his trouser pockets, before slipping off his jacket to step outside into the winter air. It was cold, sure, but not too bad, and being chilly for ten minutes was absolutely worth it to avoid his unwashable jacket stinking of smoke. Beau led the way, Essek followed suit.

“The fuck’s up with you then?” Beau asked, after leading Essek out to the furthest part of the garden, under the large oak that stood in the far corner. They’d been here before - it was where she used to come to punch things after therapy. Sometimes kick. Often scream. It made the perfect secluded spot to smoke, and, as Beau was making clear, interrogate.

Essek took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself, before lighting his cigarette, and tucking the ornate lighter back into his breast pocket.

“Nothing’s ‘up with me’ Beauregard. Can’t someone just have a smoke once in a while?”

“Yeah that’s how normal people work, not _you_ , though.” She pointed directly at his eyes. He took another drag. “You only smoke when like, the world’s falling down around you. Or like, during exams. Are exams on?” Essek rolls his eyes.

“No. They aren’t. Beauregard I’m absolutely _fine_ ,” he absolutely wasn’t, but it wasn’t exactly Beau’s place to prod about his mother. He shot her a glare.

“Yeah but like, you’re not though, are you. Otherwise you wouldn’t have come out here to smoke.”

Essek was starting to regret letting her join him. He flicked some ash onto the dirt. “Can you just shut up? For five minutes, please.”

Beau glared at him, before squatting down and perching herself on one of the miniature brick walls that acted as a bed partition. Essek wasn’t able to keep time like Caleb was, and neither could Beau, but he could’ve sworn she was counting the seconds exactly. He frowned, and looked back at the house. Might as well enjoy the quiet while it lasted.

As he took another drag, he felt the dull prick of something hitting his lip.

_thwick_

_thwick_

_thwick_

And then all at once, across the right side of his face, many, many little _thwicks_. He span around to see Beau, bored, staring at him, holding another handful of gravel.

Essek cleared the gap between them in two strides, squatted down to Beau’s level, took a single deep drag of his cigarette, then blew the smoke forcefully into Beau’s eyes. Only for a second, mind, before she was able to scramble away, standing up, chucking the gravel to the floor, and smacking Essek in the process. She coughed. “What the fuck man?”

Essek huffed a little, shaking his head and looking down at his boots.

“Don’t be a dick, Beauregard.”

“I’m fuckin’ right though, yeah?” Essek hummed through his teeth, before sighing.

“You are.”

“You are what? Could you repeat that for me? I think I’ve got some, ah, smoke in my ears,” Essek didn’t even need to look up to know the shit-eating grin Beau had plastered on her face. To be entirely fair, she _was_ right. He might as well give her the satisfaction.

“You are correct. As always, you’re correct, Ms Lionett.” He heard the soft shift of fabric as she punched the air, and stood up to face her once more.

He was shorter than her, not by much, but enough to have to look up to meet her eye: stood in Caduceus’ back yard, hiding from everyone to have a fucking _smoke_ , staring up into the eyes of someone who definitely knew _far too much_ \- all made him feel like he was a teenager again.

He had hated being a teenager.

Beau was staring at him. Not quite expectantly, but certainly with an aspect of _challenge_. He crumpled under it instantly, he wasn’t trying to resist. Taking another drag of his cigarette, he moved back to his space under the tree. “Mother called,” he blew the smoke up into the leaves, “About New Years stuff. Specifically the Evenlight ceremony back home. She wants me to come back for it.”

Beau still stood with the same expression on her face, although it was now clearly asking a question. _Why exactly is that a problem worthy of starting to smoke again?_

Essek looked at his shoes again, absentmindedly flicking the ash off of his cigarette onto the dirt below. He could feel something sticking in his throat, something dark and unpleasant that made him feel sick. Wave after wave of nausea washed over him, settling somewhere deep in his gut. He felt like he’d been caught up in a lie, forced to confess with no other way out. Which was fitting, he supposed, as that was almost exactly what was happening. Just as he opened his mouth to condemn himself, Beau chimed in again. “She doesn't know about Caleb.”

Essek felt like he’d been slapped again. “What? No? No, she knows about Caleb, Beau.”

Beau hummed. “She doesn’t know you’re _together_ together.”

Warmer, Essek supposed. She was fucking good at this. “No. No, again, my mother knows about my relationship with Caleb. I’m not 12,” he said, feeling an awful lot like a 12 year old caught with their hand in the biscuit tin.

Beau narrowed her eyes. “Una. She doesn’t know about Una.”

Fuck.

_Fuck_.

Essek was silent for a moment, weighing up how to respond, when she cut back in. “You didn’t tell your _own mother_ about your _f_ _ucking daughter?_ ”

He winced. “When you put it like that I-“ She didn’t let him finish.

“Essek what the _fuck man?_ ”

He stared at his feet like if he thought about it hard enough, the ground would open up and swallow him whole. It didn’t, cruelly. The ash speckled soil just stared right back up at him.

There was a little fleck of ash on his shoe. He tried to brush it off with the toe of his other boot. It didn’t help, just leaving a dirty smear of mud in its place. It seemed apt. He took another drag of his cigarette.

“I didn’t _intend_ to not tell her. This wasn’t some,” he waved his hand in a meaningless gesture. A little more ash dropped to the floor, “elaborate plot to hide something. It just didn’t come up, and she was never a huge fan of Caleb in the first place so I just... I let it go.”

Beau tilted her head a little. “She was never a fan of Caleb? Good-with-kids-and-mothers-lovely-well-educated-professional-teacher Caleb? The one who is currently being the best dad that anyone could ever hope for in there while you come out here to fucking mope? Hot in a rat way Caleb? Caleb who mo-” Essek cut her off.

“Yes, Beau. _That_ Caleb,” he paused, “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear the rat thing.”

“What the fuck? How can you dislike your sons fucking _husband_?”

He gestured at her to stop with his right hand, cigarette held firmly between his ring and index fingers. “She doesn’t know we’re married either.”

Beau threw her hands up in the most comical exaggeration of exhaustion humanely possible. Rolling her eyes, keeping her hands raised in a _hey what the fuck_ gesture, looking around for backup on this only to be met with the leafy indifference of Caduceus’ rose bushes. She kicked some gravel for good measure.

Essek sighed, turned towards the tree, melted into a slump, rested his forehead on the bark, and took another drag. His fingers found the rough patch where Beau had made her mark all those years ago. He imagined her punching the bark until her knuckles were bloody, exhaustion and pain dragging down her limbs. Holding the cigarette between his fingers he thought of the parallels between them. Self destruction came in many different forms, his was just far less explosive.

“Anything else you haven’t told her? While we’re fucking at it? How old you are? What your job is? Where you live?”

Essek took a deep breath, “no, no that’s everything.”

There was a long beat of silence. Essek didn’t know if he wanted it to be filled or not, but as much as he feared Beau’s judgement, she was always _right_. Perhaps it’d be better to just get it over with, perhaps he’d end up with another broken nose.

He absentmindedly ran his finger over the bump again, phantom pain from when she’d decked him all those years ago making him flinch a little. To be fair, it _had_ been justified, Essek had completely ghosted Caleb after their first date, avoiding him at school as much as he could, and not answering his texts. At the time, he had justified it to himself as knowing he was _fucked_ , and was so scared of Caleb not feeling the same way, he thought it better to take the initiative and cut things off quickly. He had been wrong, of course, very wrong, and when meeting Beau for the first time, she simply asked Caleb, “that the guy?” To which Caleb had dumbly nodded, utterly unaware, before watching Beau land a single hard punch right in the middle of Essek’s face. He’d doubled over, crying out and clutching what was a very clearly broken nose, as Caleb shouted at Beau while calling the ambulance. It was definitely unpleasant, but it had made for an interesting Winter Fête, and was probably very entertaining to watch.

She didn’t punch him again. “You’re going to fix this though, aren’t you?” Her arms were folded, but her expression wasn’t as hard as he’d expected.

_Compassion._

_Fuck._

“I’m going to tell her when we see each other this weekend. It’s meant to just be planning for Evenlight, but I don’t think I have a choice do I?”

Beau shook her head. “No. I don’t think you do.”

He sighed again, shutting his eyes. He knew that when he pulled his head away, there’d be an ugly mark on his forehead where it had been pressed onto the bark. Maybe it’d look like Beau had punched him, which would be a far easier thing to explain than having a heart to heart. It wouldn’t look like that though, so he lifted it and looked to her. “We should go back inside.”

“Yeah. Don’t be a fucking pussy though Essek. Lies catch up with you easily, don’t let that happen. Take control of it.” He stared at her dumbly for a moment, cigarette still burning away in his hand. “Go inside and help your husband, Una’s probably lost her shoes again.”

Essek smiled despite himself.

“She does that.”

He rejoined the party just minutes before midnight, finding everyone, tiny royalty included, huddled round in the living room together. It didn’t take him long to find Caleb, drunk, now, grinning like a maniac as he took Essek’s hands. “I have a secret to tell you liebling,” he said, accent thick and voice a little slurred. Essek strained to hear him over the chatter of the room - they would begin the countdown in a second, “it’s an important one too, promise not to tell anyone, ja?” Essek nodded, confused. Caleb leaned in close, running a hand up to rest on Essek’s shoulder. “I love you so much,” he whispered, before pulling away and putting one finger to his lips, and hushing.

Essek just laughed. He felt gooey and warm.

Essek looked around him, at his group of friends. People who loved him, people who he loved, his _family_ , more than his mother or brother. He would tell her, that wasn’t a question anymore - not just out of fear of Beau’s wrath, but because it was the right thing to do. He was a good liar, yes, but he didn’t want to be. He wanted to be just _good_. He _could_ be good. He was a better person now than he had been those years ago, when Beau punched him, when he married Caleb, every year he was better.

_10_

Every year he grew, grew from what he’d done and said and fucked up. Grew into someone he wanted to be, who Caleb saw him as.

_9_

He could do that.

Caleb turned to him, sloppy smile bright and radiant, wearing an ill fitting paper crown.

_8_

He mouthed at Essek, bobbing along in time with the countdown.

_7_

Essek joined him, linking their hands together and bouncing to the rhythm.

_6_

He looked over at the sofa, seeing Una and Kiri wrestling. They were definitely too young to understand New Years, let alone the traditions that went with it.

_5_

That was ok though, they had years to learn. Essek had years to teach her. A lifetime

_4_

A lifetime together. With his _daughter_ and his _husband_.

_3_

He didn’t have anything to worry about, not really

_2_

but oh _fuck_ he hadn’t asked Jester about the catering yet-

_1_

_HAPPY NEW YEAR!_

Caleb grinned and kissed him, warm and buzzing and happy. Essek lent into it, everything else forgotten, wrapping his arms around Caleb’s waist. He let Caleb’s stubble tickle his cheek, he had resented it before, but now it just made him laugh. He couldn’t think of anything other than love.

As they part, he whispers into Caleb's mouth, “I have a secret too.”

Caleb hums, brows furrowing. “Ja?” Essek smiles.

“I love you too.”

  
  



End file.
